Dan Wong

Recently I was commissioned by an arts society to teach HDB heartlanders to draw shite. The idea was to take all their completed drawings, scan them, and put them into this huge-ass installation in their residential area.

Ok fine, reasonable.

So I got to talk to many different residents and help them along, and got to teach lil' kids to draw. Tiring, but fun shit. So then, this RC Chairman sat next to me with his secretary, while I was amidst the kids, with the intent to observe. TO OBSERVE! HAH! I knew then, in my heart, that I was go for troll. This is a record of the following conversation:

Me: OK KIDS! We're going to draw really exciting things today. Girls, do you want to draw HELLO KITTYCAT?! THE BEST KITTY?

Girls: *smile, nod heads*

Me: And BOYS! We're gonna draw T-REX SAURUS YEARRGH! It's going to be very fierce and has VERY SHARP TEETH!

Boys: *Laugh, grabs pencils*

So, after teaching them how to draw their respective anthromorphic entities, they started colouring the drawings and I talked to Suresh, a 7 year old kid sitting opposite me.

Me: Suresh, you like your dinosaur?

Suresh: *nods head*

Me: Suresh, you want to draw hello kittycat?

Suresh: No.

Me: Is it ok if guys draw hello kittycat and girls draw t-rex saurus?

Suresh: *laughs* No!

Me: Why Suresh? Why boys cannot draw hello kittycat?

Suresh: Because boy have boy things and girl have girl things.

Me: Ok. Who says that? Mommy? Teacher? Tell me who?

Suresh: *does that cute kid thing where he smiles and covers half his face* Dunno..

Me: Is it because EVERYONE says?

Suresh: *nods* Yes.

Me: Ok Suresh, now I tell you that it's ok for boys to draw hello kittycat and play with hello kitty toys. So how? Now not everyone says so.

Suresh:............... I confuse.

Then I glanced to my left where the RC Chairman was sitting, and true enough, he was side-eyeing me. GREAT SUCCESS! HAH! THAT"LL TEACH HIM. HE CAME TO OBSERVE! ALL HE GOT WAS TROLL LOLZ trololololololol.. This little anecdote has a happy ending, with me making a lot of little friends, and pissing off a government stoogie.



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(Larger View)

"Cloud Eastwood and The Dandy Space Marine"

After I finished this, I knew the statement wasn't about 'gender
constructs in the video game industry' anymore, but more of 'which fan
franchise I've pissed off worse'.



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click on this for larger view. DO IT.

But you know something? They both have very tiny penises.




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  After hearing Kwok's mad story about Bario ramen, I had to try it for myself before the voices in my head overwhelmed me. Now, Bario ramen differs from your typical japanese springy goodness in a couple of ways.

  Firstly, the kanji for this particular dish includes "男", or "Man", as part of its name. I do not deny there is a part of me that fantasizes about gaining instant manliness from consuming a bowl of ramen, impossible as that may be.

  Secondly, the moment you step in front of the counter, a challenge is issued to you. A challenge! By ramen! Great Scott! A large signboard dictates that should you choose to add a spoonful of garlic and chili to your ramen, you would have earned the rank of "Nice guy". If you added two spoonfuls of the beautiful poison to your bowl, people on the streets would know you as the "SUPER Nice guy". But three's the charm! Add three spoonfuls of raw chopped garlic and ruby red chili flakes into your ramen and the world will hail you as "BARIO"!

  BARIO. Say it with a gutteral growl at the last syllable. The true, unadulterated essence of manliness. Potent, virile and radiating in every single manly stereotype you can think of.




  Of course, I added four spoonfuls of everything. In front of the counter staff. I swore that space and time warped gently around my bowl. After I sat down at the table, I couldn't really remember what happened next. You don't eat ramen that's this momentous, it eats YOU. I likened the experience to snorting coke (not that I would know), if coke was hot, salty and had a tyrannosaurus bite.

  Before I left Iluma, I posed a bit in front of the toilet mirror, and was disappointed to learn that I had not become any manlier, in girth, stature or bearing. I had, however, eaten a damn fucking good bowl of ramen.




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A most entertaining tale of Dan's life as a soldier!

Read the Comic Here!





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Good question mum. Why do I go to wing chun classes on tuesdays?

I hold the theory that life is but an exchange of information. Our success in communicating that information is highly dependent on our fluency in languages.

Our schools teach us the language of math and the language of science-- among others, for a good reason! To communicate most effectively to a scientist, one must speak the language of reason. To be understood by a politician, one must speak the language of politics. Would you speak Italian to a Japanese man in hope of being understood well? Surely a shoddy command of French would not serve you well in France (no it wouldn't, trust me, i know).

Therefore, this logic is also applicable to the study of martial arts, which is effectively the language of violence. It may be, that at one point of time in your life, you may be confronted with one who insists on speaking as such. At that moment, your competency in this language may be the most sincere, genuine and effective way to tell such a person "Don't fuck with me."




well, unless you're bruce lee. Or chuck norris.

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Drew another giant robot.



High Res here

Make love, then make war. Get your priorities right, soldier boy.

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Written for my Gina dearest
forgive the awful prose

Where I shed the chains of my physical body and embrace the cyborg age..



Higher Res





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At approximately 1900hrs, I, Dan Wong, happened to be going on a ramen date with my girlfriend Lydia. We had just left my house and
proceeded to the void deck below it.

The incident happened so suddenly that I was most incapable of reacting in any fashion. A dark hood appeared over my face and I felt 2 men tackle me to the ground. I yelled for Lydia to run away, for fear that her psychopathic banker ex-boyfriend had finally decided to strike.
I attempted to struggle, but one of the men was rather large and hairy, and they managed to tie my hands with cable-tie and my legs with rope.

The men gruffly told me to shut up or they would harm my girlfriend. Having never been kidnapped and in great fear of my life, all I could manage was a quavering "G-Go fuck yourself". I was then carried up, to where I heard the motor of a car. They forced me into the vehicle, banging my head against the hood. I still have that bruise now.

Trying very hard to breathe through the thick black hood proved to be as hard as calming my hammering heart. My neck was wedged in a most uncomfortable fashion against the car door. Throughout the entire 30 min ride I felt every bump. The street lights, dimmed by the hood, were the only thing I could make out in the darkness.

Finally, I was carried out of the car and thrown on some planks. I could feel wet grass, and hear the cry of crickets. My binds were loosened, and I heard the patter of footsteps, presumably that of my kidnappers running away. How curious, I thought. I managed, with difficulty, to free myself by sliding my hands out of the rope. I threw off my hood next and found myself surrounded by grass, next to a dilapidated building. There was a plastic bag next to me with a most curious jigsaw puzzle. There was also a cigarette, but there was no lighter. Fuckers.

I have taken photos of the puzzle after I assembled it. These photos may be found on my Facebook album here.

Of course, at this point of time I was pretty sure my friends had taken great effort to prank me, therefore Lydia was safe. Fear gave way to a sense of fun, and I followed the map to redeem my girlfriend. It turned out to be a 15 minute jaunt in the Dempsey area, and I found my girlfriend and my kidnappers ready to order their meals at Red Dot House brewery.

Food, beer, companionship, and an exciting adventure ended my birthday party on the 14th of August.



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